THE 10-DAYS REAL CREATION, MAINFRAME EDITION DAY ONE. In the beginning there was the mainframe. And God said > Let there be light! Let there be light! COMMAND UNRECOGNIZED > Logon God IKJ56700A ENTER USERID - > God #TSO/E LOGON: ENTER PASSWORD > Omniscient IKJ56421I PASSWORD NOT AUTHORIZED FOR USERID IKJ56429A REENTER - > Omnipotent IKJ56421I PASSWORD NOT AUTHORIZED FOR USERID IKJ56429A REENTER - > Technocrat IKJ56455I GOD LOGON IN PROGRESS AT 0:01:38 ON SUNDAY, January 1, 0000 IKJ56951I NO BROADCAST MESSAGES READY > Let there be light! UNRECOGNIZABLE COMMAND. REENTER - > Create light CREATE SUCCESSFULL READY > Submit heaven and earth IKJ56250I JOB HEAVEN(JOB00006) SUBMITTED IKJ56250I JOB EARTH(JOB00007) SUBMITTED JOB00006 $HASP165 HEAVEN ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) JOB00007 $HASP165 EARTH ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) #And God created Day and Night. CREATE SUCCESSFULL And God saw there were 0 errors. > Logoff #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. DAY TWO. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2. > Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light UNRECOGNIZABLE COMMAND. REENTER - > Create firmament CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit firmament IKJ56250I JOB FIRMAMENT(JOB00010) SUBMITTED JOB00010 $HASP165 FIRMAMENT ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) #And God made the earth. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2. DAY THREE. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. > Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and... TOO MANY CHARACTERS IN SPECIFICATION STRING. REENTER - > Create dry_land CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit firmament IKJ56250I JOB FIRMAMENT(JOB00014) SUBMITTED JOB00014 $HASP165 FIRMAMENT ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) #And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. DAY FOUR. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. > Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night UNSPECIFIED TYPE. REENTER - > Create sun_moon_stars CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit sun_moon_stars IKJ56250I JOB SUN_MOON_STARS(JOB00017) SUBMITTED JOB00017 $HASP165 SUN_MOON_STARS ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) #And God saw the day and the night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. DAY FIVE. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. > Create fish CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Create fowl CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit fish, fowl IKJ56250I JOB FISH(JOB00019) SUBMITTED IKJ56250I JOB FOWL(JOB00020) SUBMITTED JOB00019 $HASP165 FISH ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) JOB00020 $HASP165 FOWL ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL) #And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. DAY SIX. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6. > Create cattle CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Create creepy_things CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Now let us make man in our image UNSPECIFIED TYPE. REENTER - > Create man CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth TOO MANY OPERANDS. REENTER - > Submit multiplication JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 6 ERRORS > Allocate breath ALLOCATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit multiplication JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 5 ERRORS > Move man to Garden of Eden DATASET GARDEN OF EDEN DOES NOT EXIST. > Allocate Garden.edn CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Move man to Garden.edn MOVE SUCCESSFULL > Submit multiplication JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 4 ERRORS > Copy woman from man COPY SUCCESSFULL > Submit multiplication JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 3 ERRORS > Insert woman into man ILLEGAL PARAMETER SPECIFICATION. REENTER - > Insert man into woman INSERT SUCCESSFULL > Submit multiplication JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 2 ERRORS > Create desire CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit multiplication #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR > Create freewill CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit freewill #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn JOB00156 $HASP165 FREEWILL EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR > Unallocate desire CANNOT UNALLOCATE DESIRE DUE TO FREEWILL DEPENDENCE. CATALOG ERROR. > Delete freewill INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED. ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP - > Help INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED. ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP - > Create tree_of_knowledge CREATE SUCCESSFULL #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplaying in Garden.edn JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR > Create good, evil CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit evil IKJ56250I JOB EVIL(JOB00034) SUBMITTED #And God saw he had created shame. JOB00034 IRR010I USERID GOD IS ASSIGNED TO THIS JOB. JOB00034 $HASP373 EVIL STARTED - INIT 1 - CLASS A - SYS SYS1 JOB00034 IEF403I EVIL - STARTED - TIME=07.56.29 JOB00034 IEF453I EVIL - JOB FAILED - JCL ERROR - TIME=07.56.29 JOB00034 IEF212I EVIL STEP04 MAN AND WOMAN - DATA SET NOT FOUND IN GARDEN.EDN JOB00034 $HASP395 EVIL ENDED > Scan Garden.edn for man, woman SCAN UNSUCCESSFULL > Delete shame CANNOT UNALLOCATE SHAME DUE TO EVIL DEPENDENCE. CATALOG ERROR. > Destroy freewill INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED. ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP - > Stop UNRECOGNIZABLE KEYWORD. REENTER - > Break :Break :Break *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND WILL BE IPLED IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF. > Create new world ALLOCATE SPACE EXCEEDED. PLEASE REMOVE OLD FILES BEFORE NEW ONES CAN BE CREATED > Delete earth DELETE EARTH. PLASE SET CONFIRMATION (YES/NO) - > Yes *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW. IEF404I VTAM - ENDED - TIME=22.12.10 IEF352I ADDRESS SPACE UNAVAILABLE $HASP395 VTAM ENDED $HASP250 VTAM PURGED -- (JOB KEY WAS BEA2B291) $HASP099 ALL AVAILABLE FUNCTIONS COMPLETE IST102I VTAM IS NOW INACTIVE #And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Saturday, March 7. DAY SEVEN. #And God logged on at 6:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 8. > Undelete earth ARE YOU SURE? (Y/N) :Y ARE YOU REALLY SURE? (Y/N) :Y ABSOLUTELEY SURE? (Y/N) :Y TOTAL OF 472 MEMBERS RESTORED.IF DATASET EARTH IS DELETED AGAIN WILL NOT BE RESTORED. 1 ERROR FOUND. IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE. > What error? #UNDEFINED KEYWORD. REENTER - > Details on last error IDCAMS PROCESSING STATUS: EARTH FUNCTIONAL EVIL FUNCTIONAL LIGHT FUNCTIONAL SUN_MOON_STARS FUNCTIONAL MAN FUNCTIONAL WOMAN MALFUCTION: BRAIN NOT OPERATIONAL OTHER'S: 95'6 % FUNCTIONAL IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE > Create GNU/Linux CREATE SUCCESSFULL > Submit GNU/Linux IKJ56250I JOB GNU/LINUX(JOB00045) SUBMITTED #And God saw he had created shame. JOB00045 IRR010I USERID GOD IS ASSIGNED TO THIS JOB. JOB00045 $HASP373 GNU/LINUX STARTED - INIT 1 - CLASS A - SYS SYS1 JOB00045 IEF403I GNU/LINUX - STARTED - TIME=07.56.29 JOB00045 IEF453I GNU/LINUX - JOB FAILED - JCL ERROR - TIME=07.56.29 JOB00045 IEF212I GNU/LINUX STEP01 JOB ADDRESS SPACE ERROR. JOB CANCELED. JOB00045 $HASP395 GNU/LINUX ENDED > Delete GNU/Linux IKJSDE02 WHAT THE FUCK!? > Forget it. FORGET SUCCESSFULL > Create lawyers CREATE SUCESSFULL > Submit lawyers IKJ56250I JOB LAWYERS(JOB00046) SUBMITTED JOB00046 $HASP165 LAWYERS ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 9.2184795295042E+7393 ERRORS #And God logged off at 12:35:26, Sunday, March 8. DAY EIGHT. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 9. > Create Calculus CREATE SUCCESSFULL #And God logged off at 12:01:23 AM, Monday, March 9. DAY NINE. #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 10. > Check all CHECK SUCCESSFULL > Report, stupid! UNDEFINED KEYWORD STUPID. REENTER - > Report IDCAMS REPORT: EVIL OVERPASSES FREEWILL FREEWILL OVERPASSES SHAME WOMAN OVERPASSES MAN MAN OVERPASSES GOD SYSTEM OVERPASSES ALL IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE GOD IS NOT AUTHORIZED TO USE TSO. VTAM NODE DELETE SUCCESSFULL. #And God logged off at 12:05:23 AM, Tuesday, January 10.